it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So vagazzling was a success
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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