Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
