"it" just moved
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
