i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
