I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You took a bar mat shot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
