I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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