If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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