Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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