at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I want her autograph on my taint
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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