She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize