My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize