Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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