i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
