38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
