yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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