I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
