At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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