I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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