I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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