Me. At least after what I've been through.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
