There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
