Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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