party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
