I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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