it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
