he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
