The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
