his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
