mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
