Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
