so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
