No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
