So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
