Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
