if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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