and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
