i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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