I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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