i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
