epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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