I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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