a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize