He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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