Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
