I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
