When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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