C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
