Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
