even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
