loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
