my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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