i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
