What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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