The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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