Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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