every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
