dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize