i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
