I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
