We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
