i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
