if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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