help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
