wrigley field is MILF paradise
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
