i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How naked do you want me to be?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
