you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
