I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
