Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
