idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
