I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
