i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
