Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize